Pull the String

Continuing my weekly video pattern. I'm not sure how long I'm going to be able to keep this as a weekly thing, because there's a limit to the number of songs I can use.



One thing that I've shown in this video are the scars on my wrists. I tried to kill myself when I was fifteen. It was undoubtedly the stupidest thing I've done in my life, but I'm glad I did it.

When it failed, I admitted to two of my friends that I'd been depressed. I didn't tell them about the binging because, at the time, I still didn't believe I had an eating disorder. But I was able to talk about other issues that bothered me and they were able to support me through the bad days.

My best friend was so completely distraut when I told her I'd tried to kill myself that I decided never again. I swore to myself that no matter how bad things got, I would never try to take my own life.

Which meant I was left with two options: I could spend the rest of my life being miserable and hating myself, or I could get better. That was the turning point for me. Yes, the binging continued for a couple of years more, but I was determined that I would recover. I was able to make more friends when I started sixth form, do things I enjoyed and actually have fun.

I feel quite proud when I look at this video and see that the scars are barely visible at this quality. I hid them for ages under bracelets when it seemed like they'd never fade and that they'd declare my idiocy for the rest of time. But they have faded. The evidence can only be seen if you look closely. And I kept my promise.

I never tried again.

I never will.