In previous weeks, Thursday has been a day for posting a new video.
I haven't made one this week. Making a video requires time and thinking about feelings. I'm trying to avoid both of those things. I meet people and schedule things with friends and then fill the gaps with anything and everything so that I don't have a spare moment to think about how I'm feeling.
It seems to be working. I made it through most of yesterday before I completely broke down.
I'm not letting myself mope, because once I start, I will hide under my duvet forever and only emerge to get more food.
Over the past few days, I've eaten quite a bit more than I should, and mostly sweets and fatty foods, but I've not had a real binge. That's probably something to do with not giving myself time. If I'm constantly doing things, there's physically not enough time to have a real binge.
It's still taking a huge amount of control to even maintain an illusion of holding it together.
Thursday 12 June 2008
Tuesday 10 June 2008
Crying lakes of tears
My boyfriend has dumped me. He ended a three and a half year, near-perfect relationship. His reason: he was worried that if he stayed with me he'd end up settling down with me.
This is the comment of one friend on her thoughts when she saw I'd changed my relationship status on Facebook: "I was assuming... hoping... believing... that he'd proposed to you - I know that Facebook can be complicated when entering that sort of thing."
Another friend: "Wow, I can't say that didn't come as a shock."
A few months ago, when we found out we'd be spending a year at opposite ends of the country, a friend said, "You'll manage. You're you two."
Another friend at that same time, "I'm sure you can cope with a year long-distance. You're perfect together."
It seems the only person who didn't think we'd be together long-term was him.
Right now I think I'm going to be needing to pay attention to all the advice I've given to other people if I'm going to get through this. I'm spending loads of time with friends, so hopefully that will a) keep me from binging and b) keep me from thinking of him and crying my eyes out constantly.
This is the comment of one friend on her thoughts when she saw I'd changed my relationship status on Facebook: "I was assuming... hoping... believing... that he'd proposed to you - I know that Facebook can be complicated when entering that sort of thing."
Another friend: "Wow, I can't say that didn't come as a shock."
A few months ago, when we found out we'd be spending a year at opposite ends of the country, a friend said, "You'll manage. You're you two."
Another friend at that same time, "I'm sure you can cope with a year long-distance. You're perfect together."
It seems the only person who didn't think we'd be together long-term was him.
Right now I think I'm going to be needing to pay attention to all the advice I've given to other people if I'm going to get through this. I'm spending loads of time with friends, so hopefully that will a) keep me from binging and b) keep me from thinking of him and crying my eyes out constantly.
Sunday 8 June 2008
Weekly Update 8th June
I am not in the right mood for writing an entry in a recovery blog.
I'd gone over seven months since I'd had a real binge. About eight months since I purged afterwards.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
I'd gone over seven months since I'd had a real binge. About eight months since I purged afterwards.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
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